Ready for responsibilty?

I am happy. I just recovered from one of the biggest pregnancy scares of all times. I would have put my life up for bet that I was. I had all the symptoms and everything. I wouldn't lie, I was a bit disappointed when I found out I wasn't. I had already developed this attachment to my non-existent child. I honestly felt like someone had died when I found out I wasn't. I felt alone since it had only just occurred to me since the past two weeks that it wasn't 'two of us' anymore. Anyway, now I feel like I'm going crazy. See, I'm only 20 and while I was quite ready for this new responsibility, I feel like I was given a second chance to do everything right this time. It made me think.

Do I really want to be married with children at this age? Sure enough, I'll be 21 in two months and time flies in an unbelievable way. Yes, I do love my boyfriend very much but what happened to ME? What happened to MY dreams? I wanted to be a geologist working at NASA making the big bucks. My biggest dream was always having a family since my own mom died when I was much younger. She was seriously super mom. I want to be given the chance to be just like her. Can't I have a family AND a career? What about having fun? Parties anyone? Why can't we just have it all?

I was actually looking at old episodes of Sex and the City and now I'm really wondering. Who am I and where do I want to be 15 years from now? Am I ready to settle down and get married now? Wow, wish I could answer these questions right now.